A Little History...
My journey living as a “PTSD” child began on June 7, 1968. This was the day my beloved Daddy was KIA in Vietnam. This was the day I chose to freeze my breath, disassociate from my body, and live a black and white life devoid of any color. The abundant days filled with innocence, laughter and joy flowing in our home came to an abrupt end in one tragic moment— quickly replaced by a deafening silence and my still growing statuesque girl body simply froze in time.
Raised in an era that was silent about the war, encouraged by a mother to “be strong and not cry,” and having a sensitive and shy temperament, it was easy to simply blend into the background of life.
September 5th, 1991, the unconscious milestone of surpassing my dad in age by one year, it was as if some inner light suddenly clicked on. Time to begin living. Leaving behind a grey muted robotic existence I began earnestly searching for color. For years I had been in tears, depression, and begging God to show me the way out of my dreary existence. I wanted to choose life and happiness but I simply had no idea how to get it.
I learned how to breathe correctly, no easy feat for a body frozen for at least 23 years. Having spent years in traditional talk therapy, repeating the “story” like a broken record with no tangible results, these new modalities of utilizing my innate body wisdom proved to be invaluable. Previously, having tried numerous “rebirthing” sessions, feeling “high” during the process but with zero change afterwards, I confess I was highly skeptical of any actual benefits of breath-work.
Soon, I began to learn and understand in my own body, the words of Rumi about the different ways to breathe! What a home-coming, to unwind years of tension, defensive patterns, ancient pain, baffled emotions, and to actually begin to feel other lost and hidden gems such as joy and enthusiasm! It took practice, time, patience and great courage to trust this journey to wholeness, yet as each prayer was answered, another breadcrumb would wonderfully appear along the path to encourage me to simply keep going.